Last night I played tour guide to my friend Steve who was visiting Sydney on a layover on his way to Perth for his graduation. Steve was getting an Australian PhD even though this was his first time in Australia. He had studied his degree in the comforts of his hometown in Long Island outside of New York City. There are some people in life that you quickly strike a connection with and Steve was one of those. He was very down to earth, funny and very intelligent. We started talking about life, dating and love. Steve had just gotten out of a long term relationship. We had both recently entered our 30s. We both agreed that our 20s was all about experimenting, meeting new people and trying to figure out who we are and what is our purpose in life.

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So basically Steve reckons that the last seven years in Sydney have been a series of long tests in preparation for my own Saturn return. He thinks the next few months will be a bit chaotic as I settle my life and select a new path (Amsterdam?). Maybe Steve is right…maybe our fate is in the stars. Explorers used the stars to discover new lands and to guide them to safety. Now, we are too busy to search for signs. Most of us cannot even see the stars. Our lives are richer in many ways, yet we keep searching for fulfilment. So maybe my Saturn is running late. But I feel like it is getting closer and closer. I feel like something really good is coming…and I don’t mean sex!

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Steve was more settled: good job, apartment, career and a year older. I told Steve about my regret dilemma, my search for love and my general state of single quater life crisis (life crises that happens at 25 instead of 55). Then Steve told me about the astrological phenomena known as the Saturn Return, based on the notion that the planet Saturn completes its solar cycle every 29.5 years through an individual’s birth chart. This explains why when we near 30 we feel like we are entering a midlife crisis, we fear aging, feel severe uncertainty and general feel disoriented about life. So can our quarter life crises be explained by the 29.5 years it takes Saturn to orbit the Sun? When Saturn moves back to the place it was the moment you were born, you apparently are meant to be reborn, but not before you are put through a series of tests, according to Astrologers. What are these tests? Different jobs, frustrating relationships, the feeling that you are going around in circles. We all have those feelings in our 20s… we keep asking "what the hell are we doing? Where is life going? What will I do with my life?"

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I can hardly escape my past. No matter where I go, this city is filled with exes from the last seven years that seem to spook me as much as the homeless guys in Kings Cross. You know the awkward encounters I am referring to… when you see or meet someone that you had a drunken one night stand or when your friends re-introduce you to that bad date you never called again. It has happened to me countless times. What about the awkwardness of meeting an ex boyfriend or ex fuckbuddy when you are with a new boyfriend or partner. Is honesty the best way to get rid of the skeletons in our dating closets? Should perspective dates be handed a dating resume listing your past conquests and encounters? Or are new relationships a clean slate where everything is wiped clean and both people start from zero? Some of us keep track of our carbs or kilos, but should we be keeping count of our dates and shags (329 dates and counting!) I knew Larry had a past as well. I suggested he speak about his concerns to Frank. Honesty may be the best policy. Besides, if he kept worrying about the past he would miss out on the present and maybe ruin his chances for a future.

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I tend to live my life impulsively as though the clock is ticking away and with the motto of no regrets. But when it comes to relationships with men, why do I feel like my life is full of regrets. Why is it that the “what ifs” outweigh the “carpe diems.” And can I forget regrets? Charles Dickens once said that “regrets are the natural property of grey hairs.” Can it be that as we get older and look back on the “what ifs” in our lives, our regrets seem to stand out even more? And if life is spelled out by fate and accidents of serendipity, why do we doubt the path we have taken?

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